This is my journey



When I started this journey, my journey, I was lost

The paths I walked were often dark with small glimpses of light from the sun

My sons

Anger and anxiety were a way of life

A way to draw my attention away from the pain

Pain I caused myself

I bought into the anger and anxiety of others

Listened to their words

Believed them

The path I chose was darker still

Along that path I met some wonderful and amazing people

People who changed the way I thought

How I felt

I still walked on darker avenues

I still gave so much of myself to the people who didn’t really care

People whose perception of me was even darker than I saw myself

Their perception

The wrong people

I still loved them

Loving the wrong people took me to even darker places

I’m not blaming them

It’s all on me

I made my own choices based on my own perception of love

My own search to fill the void

The deep emptiness I had felt inside

This emptiness took me into the arms of someone so undeserving of my love

Out of that love I was blessed with two lights that should have guided me

I still walked where darkness grew

I let that darkness grow in my heart

The darkness I let in took me into the deepest levels of Hell

My mind

I was stripped of my dignity

My integrity

My children

My love

My self

I was taken to a new low where I would be found lying dead on the floor

Holding the hand of Kali

Her red hair waking me from my darkness

Waking me from my ego

Waking me into the now


I am here

My journey moving forward

Letting go the chains of anchors holding me to my past

My ego

I would spend the next four months sitting on a concrete floor

Deep in meditation and prayer

Walking in circles inside of colossal Walls

The Walls of my own mind

Sitting and eating with villains and heathens

Each of them guiding me and teaching me the deeper darker things I hated about myself

and then helping me learn to accept them

and grow

It was them I experienced the death of my ego

For the first time in my life I could smile again

It was then that the one I loved who loved someone else for so long left me


but not broken

When she left

When the truth came out

I was free

I was alive and happy in a way I could never be

Never like I believed

Now all these years later I am more alive than I had ever felt

It’s a daily struggle

The darkness still creeps in

It still visits

but after serving it some tea I ask it to kindly leave

When I started the journey I was lost

Some days I’m still lost

Sometimes is nice to get lost so you can find yourself

Your Self

I stand in the shadow of a great mountain next to the lake with my reflections

This is my journey

It’s just getting started

Stay tuned

It’s only getting better


(I don’t know this artist but I’d love to credit them)