Grasping At Straws

I stand on the outer edge of myself and reality

I am unable to wake up and find the same me every morning

Truth is a rule that most people bend

Truth is a lie

Lies

Like love and faith

I have great faith

In nothing solid

I walk a gray line

Counting points that only matter to me

Points in time

Time and space are also lies

Lies

Lies like forever and serendipity

You were my serendipity

Now you’re a ghost

I stand in a flowing river

The Universe smiles on the person who stands firm in their beliefs

but what do I believe?

What can we believe?

I stand on the edge of reality

and myself

I watch your eyes as I walk across the great decide between us

I watch your face as it awakens to the reality of what we are

and my eyes stay fixed on the skies that cry the truth

but truth is a lie

Like love and faith

You see my face as I awaken to the reality of what we are

What we were

or could become

We part with a wink and smile

Our hearts broken to an idea of what we believed we could be

Lies

Lies like forever and serendipity

The truth lies in the eyes of the beholder

Lies

The truth lies

and the beholder loosens his grip on reality

and lets go of the nothing that still remains

The nothing is all that’s really there

All that is real is nothing

and I… I stand on the edge of the Universe

Grasping at straws

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The Undiscovered

Tightly the rope pulled close

and her anticipation climbed

As her anxiety of letting go faded

With each new and undiscovered fear arising

She was able to move quickly past them

and into an unseen nirvana

His hands found their way slowly around the curves and bends of her body

Giving her the darker areas of his soul

Secretly wanting her

and hating her

He follows the bends in her legs

That she is now unable to move

She ascends a ladder leading to a higher self

A darker self

The secrets her soul tells her she can not desire

That are unnatural and sinful

Yet she desires them

She is in love with her own sin
and he is in love with his

and her

She desires nothing more than to be dominated
To be controlled by unseen forces

As her blindfold is pulled tight
and her ropes even tighter

His hands moving ever slowly across her body
An undiscovered country that he has walked countless times

Yet still discovering new places to rest his head

and tongue

and his lips…

His beard dragging slowly as he stalks her inner beauty

Up her inner thighs

She gasps for sweet relief

and air

As his hands find her throat
Holding on for dear life

Bringing her to the edge of hers

As he continues to explores her hidden treasures

Her breathe returns and is quickly taken away

Again and again

As she climbs higher and higher on the ladder to release

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I Can’t

Stuck in traffic and no one to flirt with except truckers.

Not happening.

My phone rings and I don’t recognize the number.

I answer.

It could be the school, my doctor, or a random hot stranger.

It could be.

It wasn’t.

It’s the ex-girlfriend.

She flirts. We talk. She wants to grab lunch. I tell her I’ll think about it and say goodbye.

I turn on the radio. All 80’s! Yes!

They play:
Poison – Every Rose Has A Thorn
Bryan Adams – Cuts Like A Knife
The Cure – A Letter Yo Elise

I hear the echoes of the Universe in my heart.

Now I remember. Again. I can’t return to that place and pain. It doesn’t matter how much I miss her sometimes.

I text her snd it and it simply says:

“I can’t”

No Self

She walks with flowers in her hair

A pink ribbon holds her dress in place

She has no belt

She’s never needed one

She walks alone

Side by side with her self

Sometimes it’s harder to face yourself than it is to face

your. self.

Life is a highway

The body is the car

When the car is full of passengers are you really alone?

Can you be alone all by yourself?

No…

Not when there is no self

“Dude, you’re lost” she said

I’m lost?

How can I be lost when fish is $4.99 a pound?

Wait…

That’s not me talking

It’s her

It’s just not

her

self

We can talk about the price of fish all night

but we’ll never fly like ducks…

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The Dream is Over

Somewhere half way between a dream and a memory I waited for her

Grasping at thoughts of redemption

She begs me not to remember

but it’s something I’m unable to forget

Maybe I’m just unwilling

Forgiveness is a journey I don’t travel well

Placing my thoughts into my hands

Believing the dream to be a memory

I stop

I walk into her bedroom

I walk back into her clutches

The dream is over

The memory is all that remains

It’s revolutions are an endless prison

As I lay in the bed she made for another man

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The Devils Desire

Under stars like the blanket that cover you

I kiss your lips

Heaven bows to the majestic view of your form

As I marvel in your greatness

Bowing only to your whims

Bending to your desire

I follow the road signs to your inner thighs

Slowly and gracefully

You succumb to my will

You overflow with overwhelming anticipation

I follow the white rabbit into it’s lair

Your nails drag into my back

Your screams piercing the very fabric of time

As I lead you down the path of nirvana

and into the very gates of the heavens that worship you

We both know that even the demons of hades envy you

The Devil himself watches as we dance in his smile

As the Gods of old and new turn a blind eye to our secrets

Secrets only we share

Under the the stars like the blanket that cover you

I Surrendered

“Stay…” She said softly

As I turned to walk away

“Please, won’t you?”

Her voice carried on as if it was the only sound I’d ever heard

So clear

So demanding

Yet soft and subtle

I stopped at the door

My jacket in hand

It’s already 3 AM

It’s already too late

My head was spinning from hours of her mental stimulation

and visions of her body

She held me tight

Like a sailor lost at sea

Clinging for life

and I was her lifeline

Our bodies merged in a merciless struggle to become one

We found our weary souls blazing new paths of love and excitement

Across the landscape of our flesh

Across the barrier of trust and doubt

“Why should I stay?” I asked hesitantly

“Because I need you” she said gruffly

“Because I know you want to” she whispered

Her voice

It called to me

Her voice

The Siren that Homer wrote about

My Siren

I must obey her call

I drop my jacket and walk slowly too her

I must obey her call

One last time

One more time tonight

It’s nearly daylight now

The time draws closer that I need to part

but I can’t separate myself from her

Our souls

Our bodies

Merging as one

Time and time again

Time after time

Meeting new gods and dispelling old one

Creating tiny universes and then destroying them

With the ever crushing blows of our bodies pushing into each other

Like the ocean waves crashing onto the shores of an undiscovered island

My love for her grew

Her love for me drew me in

and I surrendered to her

I surrendered to her will

and her body

and her mind

I surrendered

It’s the morning hour

I collect my thoughts

I collect my clothes

I pick my wrinkled jacket up from the floor

Where it’s lying in front of the door

I opened the door to leave

She beckoned once again

“Please, stay…”

and I surrendered