My Dearest One

Motionless I lay silently on the floor as she played piano across the room

Note by note a stream of endless daydreams pass as if my mind were a kaleidoscope, and the memory of another woman was the shattered glass inside

The music stops with a sudden crash as though she read my thoughts and they crushed her

Softly and quietly she flows across the room as if she were hovering on a cloud and my thoughts were the wind that carried her

I reach for her hand
She takes mine
So soft, so gentle
Then she moves to join me on the floor

No words are spoken
They never need to be
She knows me and I know her

Our lips navigate towards one another like two lost souls coming together after a thousand years of separation

Our bodies meet as two new worlds begging to be explored

So we explore

Her soft hands move slowly along my neck and face
My hands find themselves exploring her waist and thighs
Our lips still locked in an eternal struggle, reaching deeply into each other’s heart

The thoughts of the other woman fade quickly as my love pours deeper into my lover
Motion after motion the struggle our passion escapes and we join like the pieces of a puzzle

Upon the ultimate climax we fall deeply into each other’s arms

Waiting for one or the other to let go we hold on

We hold close

Never ending is the story of our love
Never ending are the unspoken words
Never ending until the ends comes

And the end always comes

As she walks away I feel alone, empty
The music starts as if it had never ended and she plays on

Note by note

My thoughts again turn to daydreams
They are now of her, my love

My dearest one

These steps

Every breath takes me one step farther from you
Every sigh and every whisper from my heart move me one step closer

To forgetting the pain

Every step as I walk away leads me down the path of letting go
Every path I walk and every avenue I visit puts distance between us

And one step away from your memory

These are the steps I take
These are the steps I take

Nothing can ever be so wrong
Nothing could ever be so perfect

Knowing I’m better off without you
Knowing you are better off without me

Every step I take leads me to regret
Every step I take leads me to your face

I see it everywhere
I see you everywhere

These are the steps I take

They lead me in circles

They always lead me back to you

Butterfly

I had a dream that I was surrounded by butterflies
They covered everything around me like a blanket through the darkest night
As they flew around me I watched in child like wonder
Excitement filled every aspect of my soul

And then they flew away

Carrying with them a vision I had never seen

When the butterflies were gone I found new light and a new vision

I found you standing in the clearing of my mind

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I woke up with new eyes today
The same blue eyes have sat on opposites sides of my nose from birth

But when I woke up I seen the world differently

I walked in such painful strides before
Overlooking signs and appocoliptic visions of an end so near

Yet I ran so far from myself to hide

This Wednesday was no different from any other Wednesday
I woke up, I had coffee, and I read

But something changed when I though about the world around me and the people I loved

And the people who love me

Moving forward is often in the feat of gods
Normal men are rarely forced to trash against the moving streams of the universe

Yet here I am, struggling against my own thoughts and my own heart

There were one set of footprints in the sand
When I turned to ask why I was the only one standing there

In the end we are all alone

It’s the time I between birth and death that we discover
Finding pieces of ourselves and who we are

By the people we meet and the people we love

I am who I am because of the people I’ve met on my journey
We all are, and we are all part of one another

Connected

Lessons are often hard learned
The teachers of these lessons are often those we hold dearest

Hold everyone dear and love all

In the end your heart will break
In the end everyone will leave you

But until that end believe that love is all around you

Even in signs and appocoliptic visions

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Out of Eden

I look for answers everywhere
I see the faces of the uncaring

They always have answers for unasked questions

The tragedy comes from the distance between our heart and head
It’s the difference from picking from the tree of knowledge or choosing to be ignorant in the bliss of not knowing

There are some things I’d rather not know

I walked next to an angel
An angel who didn’t see she was Devine

Lost and broken since her own fall from heaven

There was always something painful in her eyes
Somehow she punished herself every time she smiled

It’s a smile that sets so many hearts on fire

I would have happily walked in the bliss of ignorance
But she offered me a fruit from the tree of knowledge

I woke up in a reality all to familiar to my life

My angel took my hand and we walked quietly
A path I hadn’t seen before but knew all the same

It was seasoned with darkness and painful memories

She kissed me soft and it hung to my lips like the morning dew
Then she pushed me away to cry

She was always pushing me away

There was no time for me
No time for what could have been

Then she led me out of Eden

A Motherless Child

She didn’t come from the streets

She was born free in the desert heat

A motherless child

She stands close to an edge unseen by most

I see it

I see you

She gives herself away time after time

Looking for something real

Looking for love

Looking for…

Someone

She falls apart

She crawls home

She doesn’t think anyone cares

She doesn’t think anyone understands

I care

Give me the chance to understand

She walks like a phantom from day to day

Praying it ends

It doesn’t end

Nothing started ever really ends

Broken and afraid

She feels she’s beyond repair

Too damaged to find lov…

Someone

It’s hard to see when your eyes are cold and sad

Streaming black with mascara

Her knees buckle

“When will someone pick me up?” she asks herself screaming

She doesn’t see my hand

So she stays

Down

She stands alone in the moonlight

Tidal waves of emotions flood her soul as she steps back to the unseen edge

Wake up

The rain and thunder in her head start to fall silent

While the motherless child opens her eyes

New eyes under a full moon

Standing with her heart an open wound

I use my heart to bandage hers

I help her rise

Given new wings she takes flight

She kisses the souls of countless sunsets

While together we witness her first sunrise over an ocean of true possibilities

The kitten becomes a lioness

Fear has no place in her heart

As the motherless child becomes a mother herself

She walks alone in silence knowing she isn’t really alone

Anymore

 

the edge

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hope

This must have been a dream

Countless endless nights were spent grasping at images dancing in my head
And each one a vision of it’s true self

Of you

Memories are dreams that have value

In the pale morning light as I rise I feel the sunlight breaking over the foot hills and thawing the chill of the early morning
The light slowly moves across the landscape chasing away all the shadows

And evaporating all of our dreams

The light is the slow creeping hand of death
And it reaps what the night has so carefully sown into out hearts
It pushes over the mountains and pulls through the bushes
Collecting every piece of fallen and broken dreams like sounds

In the end the last sound I heard was the sound of my heart shattering

I let the dream go
As the light slowly pulled it away
Exposing it for what it really was

Hope

Do you remember?

Do you remember when we were seventeen?
Punk rock music and skateboarding off of Short Vine

We didn’t hold anything back

Do you remember walking arm and arm?
We passed out on the door step from drinking too much stolen beer

We didn’t hold anything back

We hated each other
But we’re never seen apart

We didn’t care what people thought
We didn’t care what was going to happen next

We lived in that moment
Chasing each other naked outside of Bogart’s

We didn’t hold anything back

Do you remember?
Do you?

Today you’ve been gone for twenty five years

I remember…

There will always be storms

The wind is blowing to the East
I can see you walking in the field of tall grass near the beach
The rain will start again soon

It’s been raining for weeks

I wave to you
I can see your face change
That smile
You wave back to me
Almost forgetting why
As your gaze falls back to the earth in front of you

The sounds of crashing waves and sea gulls surround me

How I long to be the wind over the grass that touches your body
Holding you close
So near to my nothingness

Yet, here I sit watching
And there you are, walking away

Your dark hair flies violently like an unkindness of ravens
The rain starts to fall
You stand there almost frozen in your steps
Your dark hair sticking thick now to your head
Covering your face

Your beautiful face

Falling to pieces in various forms we collide back into one another
Grasping for air
Reaching for stars that have no names
Begging just to hear the sounds of the three words lost in the wind

I love you

You crash into me as I run to you in the field of tall grass near the beach
Holding you as the storm grows increasingly stronger
Pulling you tighter so that the wind can no longer carry my words away

Holding close we feel no need to say them

Holding on to everything
While clinging to nothing

There will always be storms